For the workshop I took part in this week, we based it off a task called 'Free Writing', however instead of writing, I drew. It's a technique which has been used for years and years, a process where a person writes for a continuous amount of time without thinking about the context, grammar, etc.
To start off the process, we all chose a word which we thought would link to our project and spark ideas. I chose Fear; fear of those intrusive thoughts, the fear of people's judgement and opinions, the fear of what will happen if you do not carry out those rituals or actions. I think 'fear' sums up the impact OCD has on me - those thoughts are so persuasive that your mind convinces itself you're doing the right thing, and if you don't then that fear comes in. You are so scared of the consequence.
I was in a group of 3 and we all took it in turns with out words, drawing and having discussions about the topics.
At the beginning of this task, I was really apprehensive about what I would draw, if I would even think of anything, and if they would have any substance. The opposite happened - I really like the technique, just drawing shapes, lines, anything that came to my head which I felt explained or showed my word. The discussions my group had were the better thing to come out of this workshop, even though I do really like the drawings and will definitely use them in some way. The conversation sparked more ideas and it drove the actual drawing part. Whilst talking, I was noting things down, words people had mentioned and thoughts; it was really nice to hear others views.
After this, we were given an aim: To produce a series of outcomes/tests/responses in relation to specific elements within our project/idea. I had lots of words from my task this morning, and originally, I thought that this was the best way to represent OCD and how it affects a person. I slowly learnt that this was too literal. I was cutting out shapes and words, trying to make a large collage on the wall. See my photos below.
My two previous outcomes had used space in some way, as I really enjoy interiors and thinking about how I can use the space around me; I started to look around and see where could I use... this then led me to think I could use the wall. I ended up getting to the point above and realised I wasn't enjoying it, nor did I think this was a 'good outcome'. I took a step back and tried another approach.
I looked at the drawings I had done this morning and took these as influence to do some larger pieces. I like the patterns, see my images below, and think they each show a certain aspect of OCD. However, at the time, I felt I couldn't take these any further - I just liked them as a 'surface pattern'.
I then took another step back and thought about what I had - these shapes I had from the collage. Repetition and having a 'routine' is one of things where OCD affects my life. How could I represent this with these shapes?
I took all the shapes I had and organised them into layouts I liked and thought were interesting. 'Ordering them' was an automatic response. Maybe this was 'my OCD'. Having things tidy, clean, having a routine is something I have to do for my brain to function properly. For me, if i have disorganisation or mess, I just 'can't' do things, can't complete anything or work in the space as it distracts me a large amount. I love most of the layouts I have photographed.
This one below was the one I spent the most time on as I used a needle and thread.
I was thinking about the brief - 'Creating Change'. Making a positive change. Having a positive outlook on a problem. Looking at OCD, when you talk and chat to others, to other people who suffer as well, and just opening up can really help. Having that support and feeling that you aren't alone is a stepping stone to any sort of 'recovery'. I wanted to try and resemble this as all the other layouts I created kind of show the negative side, how much it intrudes your life.
I wanted to have the strips representing people who suffer from the disorder and then the string bringing people together, the communication. That talking, for me anyway, is support in itself as others are listening and not just disregarding you as 'crazy'.
I love these last outcomes from the workshop and want to take these shapes and layouts further.
Here are some photos of my sketchbook pages from this workshop:
